One massive hat has its benefits

MANY people say it's a curse to have a massive melon but suffering from slight Macrocephaly can have its benefits.

Having lived with a huge encompassing head all my life I find it has plenty of upsides.

Whenever I need a new hat there are always stacks in my size and, most of the time, they are discounted because the shop owner has been waiting for many years for someone with a head as big as Dave Taylor's to squeeze through the door.

I am always the last person asked to press into a tight area and I never had to sit up the front at school because no one could see around me.

I also feel I get better value than my skinny head friends including paying the same price at the barbers even though they have to cut more than a slicer at the Bacon Factory.

When I was a kid the free face-painting ladies would cringe when I walked up and my poor teacher would need five newspapers to make a pirate hat for me.

My mother even took me to a specialist when I was young because I didn't have the best balance but that all evened up once I started playing sport.

Having a big head in scrums was great with opposition front rowers almost pulling their necks out trying to avoid mine and when running, if I leaned forward, I could find an extra two yards of speed.

A recent study from England found that among patients with Alzheimer's disease symptoms, those who had larger brains did better on cognitive tests - meaning their memory, and their ability to think and understand, was better. I always knew I was smarter.

There are some down sides to being top heavy as well. I always felt I could have been two feet taller and at least had a neck if my gravitational pull around my pumpkin wasn't so strong.

My wife isn't a fan either, particularly relating to child birth - especially when the ultrasound blokes make jokes like "what did you expect with him for a father?".

My sunscreen bill is more than my electricity bill a month and I have to buy razors in bulk.

So for all my Fred Flintstone-looking brothers out there, stay strong and be proud - at least we're not gingers.

Topics:  columns humour more hat than cattle nick inmon rural lifestyle

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